You Don't Have to Look Towards the Future with Hopeful Expectations; You Might Look Into It with Curiosity
October Reflections - slide 4
Are you fearing what the future holds?
Do you have hopes and dreams but worry about whether they’ll come true?
In life, we often find ourselves trapped by the weight of our own expectations—hopes for the future that can become rigid and unyielding. When we allow these expectations to dominate, they can limit our capacity for growth and exploration. Tagawa Shun, in Living Yogācāra, reflects on this delicate balance between the past and the future: “Surely the shadow of the past exists as the promise for the future. No tree can grow larger than the potential contained in its seed.” This profound statement invites us to reconsider how we view the future—not as a fixed path bound by our hopes, but as an evolving journey shaped by the experiences and energy we carry from our past.
Instead of clinging to predefined ideas of success or fulfilment, what if we embraced the future with curiosity? Shun’s reflection encourages us to see the potential for growth and transformation residing in each moment, just as a seed carries the promise of a tree’s full bloom. By shifting from hope to curiosity, we free ourselves from the narrowness of expectation and open ourselves to the boundless possibilities of what the future can become. The unknown, then, becomes not a source of fear but a realm of discovery.
Curiosity invites us to engage with the future not as a solution to the past, but as an unfolding adventure. The promise of a seed is not that it will grow into a specific tree, but that it holds the potential to grow at all, provided the conditions allow. Similarly, our past—its shadows, its lessons—carries forward with us, but does not dictate the shape of our future. What if, instead of feeling pressured to cultivate hope for what lies ahead, we ask questions, wonder, and explore? What if the future became a space where we didn’t have to predict outcomes but could observe possibilities as they emerge instead?
Expectations can profoundly influence our future, especially when they are unrealistic or rigid. From a psychological perspective, expectations act as cognitive frameworks that shape how we perceive our environment, plan our actions, and anticipate outcomes. However, when our expectations are not aligned with reality, they can shatter our sense of control, leading to disappointment, frustration, and even emotional distress.
One of the most significant psychological mechanisms behind shattered expectations is cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort experienced when reality contradicts our beliefs or expectations. For example, if someone has high expectations for their career but encounters repeated setbacks, the dissonance between their expectations and reality can lead to feelings of failure or inadequacy. This can diminish motivation and even foster anxiety or depression, as the future they envisioned seems increasingly out of reach.
Another psychological concept at play is confirmation bias, where individuals tend to focus on information that supports their expectations and ignore contradictory evidence. When the future unfolds in unexpected ways, those unmet expectations can hit harder because individuals may have ignored warning signs or alternative possibilities. This can cause people to feel blindsided, leaving them unprepared to adapt and cope with the new reality.
Furthermore, perfectionism can exacerbate the negative impact of unmet expectations. People with perfectionist tendencies often set unattainable standards for themselves or others, leading to an endless cycle of disappointment. This perfectionism fuels fear of failure, causing individuals to avoid risks or opportunities that could otherwise shape a positive future. When expectations collapse, it can also erode self-esteem, as the person equates their unmet goals with personal failure.
Psychologically, when expectations are shattered, it can trigger a loss of hope. Hope is crucial for mental well-being, as it provides individuals with a sense of direction and purpose. The collapse of expectations can induce feelings of hopelessness, where the individual believes that future successes are impossible or out of their control. This may spiral into learned helplessness, where past failures lead someone to believe they are powerless to change future outcomes, reinforcing negative cycles.
In contrast, flexible expectations that are adaptive to life’s uncertainties can protect individuals from these psychological consequences. Resilience—the ability to recover from setbacks—depends on managing expectations in a way that allows room for error, growth, and new possibilities. Being open to change, rather than rigidly adhering to specific future outcomes, can safeguard against the emotional fallout of shattered expectations, promoting mental well-being and future success.
In releasing the rigidity of expectations, we free ourselves from the emotional burden of forcing the future into narrow confines. Psychologically, this allows us to escape the trap of cognitive dissonance, perfectionism, and confirmation bias, all of which limit our potential to thrive. Shifting from hope to curiosity also deepens our connection to the present moment, a perspective echoed by the Dalai Lama, who reminds us: “We become unhappy because we expect too much, place too much hope in outcomes, and lose sight of what we have in front of us.”
By embracing curiosity, we open the door to unforeseen possibilities, and we no longer wait for the future to validate us. Instead, we engage fully with the beauty of the journey unfolding before us. This release is the true freedom that allows us to grow beyond the limits of our expectations.
