We Lose, We Gain in Loss Too
"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve."
Loss is an inevitable part of the human experience. We are all on a journey where we lose—whether it’s the death of family members, friends, or pets leaving an emotional void, the decline of our health due to ageing or illness, the missed opportunities that pass us by, the loss of stability in our lives, the disappearance of possessions, or the fading of innocence. These losses, profound and varied, shape our existence in ways that challenge and transform us.
In the face of these losses, how do we find meaning in our daily experiences of losing, and how can we reconcile these with the gains we make?
Loss, in its essence, is a profound disruption of our sense of stability. It challenges our expectations and forces us to confront the transient nature of existence.
Art and literature have long grappled with the theme of loss, using it as a powerful means to express the human condition. The works of poets like Rainer Maria Rilke and novelists like Leo Tolstoy illustrate how loss can inspire profound reflection and creativity. Art provides a way to externalise and process the pain of loss, allowing individuals to connect with their own experiences and those of others. Through this creative expression, loss becomes a shared human experience, fostering empathy and solidarity. This confrontation is vividly explored in Tolstoy’s “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”, where the protagonist undergoes the five stages of grief—Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Though Ivan Ilyich’s death is announced at the beginning of the story, it is through these stages that Tolstoy examines the complex process of coming to terms with mortality.
Whether death or any other loss, according to existential philosophy, going through it, with all its stages, is central to the human condition. Thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir explored how our awareness of mortality and impermanence shapes our experiences and decisions. For them, loss underscores the absurdity of life, yet it also presents an opportunity for authentic existence. By facing loss, we are compelled to confront our own freedom and responsibility, ultimately shaping our identity through the choices we make.
The stoic philosophers, such as Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, offer a different perspective on loss. While inherently painful, loss can be managed through the cultivation of inner resilience. Stoicism teaches that we should focus on what is within our control and accept what is not. From this viewpoint, loss becomes an opportunity for personal growth and self-mastery. By practising detachment from external outcomes and developing inner virtues, we can transform the experience of loss into a source of strength and tranquillity.
In Eastern philosophies, particularly Buddhism, loss is integral to the understanding of impermanence (anicca). The Buddhist perspective emphasises that all things are transient, and our attachment to permanence is a source of suffering. By embracing the inevitability of change, one can cultivate equanimity and compassion. Mindfulness practices encourage a deep awareness of the present moment, helping us accept and let go of loss. Through this lens, loss is not a tragic event but a natural part of the cycle of existence, offering a path to enlightenment and inner peace.
While loss can be devastating, it also has the potential to catalyse personal transformation. Many people find that after experiencing a significant loss, they gain new insights and strengths. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, argued in his seminal work “Man's Search for Meaning” that even in the direst circumstances, individuals can find meaning through suffering. Frankl’s philosophy suggests that loss can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and a renewed sense of purpose. By confronting the void left by loss, individuals often discover new values, relationships, and directions that enrich their lives.
Ultimately, whether through existential reflection, stoic resilience, Buddhist acceptance, or artistic expression, loss is acknowledged as an inescapable aspect of life.
“The boundaries between life and death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where one ends and where the other begins?” wrote Edgar Allan Poe, capturing the mysterious interplay between loss and gain.
As we navigate our daily experiences of losing and gaining, we find that loss is not merely an end but a doorway to new beginnings. By embracing this duality, we can approach loss with a sense of openness and curiosity, finding meaning and value in our ever-changing lives. In this way, we learn to balance the pain of loss with the joy of gaining, creating a more nuanced and resilient approach to the human experience.
