It Is Rain That Grows Flowers, Not Thunder
Anger can make us boil, burst, or in extreme cases go grey overnight. It’s only human to feel our blood rise from time to time. As psychologist Paul Ekman wrote back in the 1970s, anger is one of the six universal emotions experienced by humans across all cultures. The real question is: how do we respond when someone or something drives us “mad”? Do we lose control, shouting, stomping, and slamming doors? Or do we bottle it up?
Hopefully, neither.
Anger shows up in different forms—from mild irritation to blinding rage that reddens the face and causes hands to tremble. And in those moments, we often stand at a crossroads: fight or flight. The first road can lead to dramatic outbursts reminiscent of Wild Tales by Damián Szifron, where characters explode in rage at weddings or on highways. And yet, there are more constructive alternatives.
Some channel their fury in creative ways, like visiting “rage rooms”—safe spaces where you can smash plates or furniture as a release. But even that is just a short-term fix.
The opposite extreme—suppressing anger—is also problematic. Psychotherapists warn: “When we forbid ourselves from feeling anger, we become aggressive toward ourselves.” Many people grow up believing that expressing anger makes them "difficult" or "impolite." But anger isn’t a monster.
We should treat anger not as something to fear or hide, but as a signal—telling us we feel hurt, mistreated, or wronged.
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.”
— Nicholas Sparks
Emotionally intelligent people don’t lash out or retreat—they face their anger. They use a strategy called “affect labeling”, which simply means putting feelings into words.
This can take many forms: for example, a direct, respectful conversation with the person involved, confiding in a trusted friend or therapist. Naming our emotions lowers emotional arousal. Emotionally intelligent people don’t hurl insults or slam doors; they treat anger as a tool, not a weapon. They don’t blame others for how they feel—they take responsibility for their reactions. They communicate maturely.
And that’s not easy. Many fear vulnerability or rejection. But confrontation doesn’t need to be confrontational.
“This is hard to say, because I care about you, but I felt angry when…” is one of the openings inviting dialogue, not conflict. It transforms anger into an opportunity for connection rather than destruction, taken into account the right time…
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
— Ambrose Bierce
We cannot force someone to apologise sincerely or behave better. But we can control our own response. That might mean taking a walk, calling a friend or simply taking a few deep breaths.
When handled with self-awareness and intention, anger doesn’t have to be destructive. It can actually help build stronger relationships and deeper understanding.
“Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not easy.”
— Aristotle