"I know of nothing more valuable when it comes to the all-important virtue of authenticity than simply being who you are"
reflections on the 26th of June
Our wedding anniversary always finds its place in the week's heart, unlike my birthday which graces “day off” in some countries —Teacher's Day, leaving little room for extravagant celebrations. Despite my fondness for wedding receptions, the fanfare of an anniversary, or even the allure of a new coffee machine doesn’t talk to me…
Marriage, regardless of who you believe you are marrying or the grandeur of the ceremony, becomes a daily moment with or without celebration. We evolve individually, and so do our relationships, subtly and more or less continuously. This year, I find myself eschewing the traditional tokens of affection—a card or the revisiting of past sentiments—because, in all honesty, it feels superfluous.
However flat the tired phrase might seem “following one's heart” seems to apply far beyond relationships only. As Erykah Badu wisely said:
“It will get you to where you need to be. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy, the places that your heart takes you. But continue to follow it. Where the train leads you — you'll get there.”
It's a common human tendency to cling to binaries, especially when experiencing uncertainty: good or bad, easy or hard, happy or unhappy. Yet, I've come to believe that:
“the magic happens in the grey, the unknown.”
― Dan Koe
Fourteen years ago, when the ladies in the restroom asked why I chose him, my answer was simple: he never pretends to be anyone other than himself. Whether before kings or common folks…
And it’s that authenticity that brought to my mind Kipling’s timeless wisdom that applies much beyond masculinity or relationships, that I will privately invite you to reflect on:
If—
BY RUDYARD KIPLING
(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
