Finding Light in the Depths and Overcoming the Emotional Currents
Exploration of "Dark Waters"
Have you ever felt drowned by overwhelming emotions?
Have you ever faced an emotional tide that felt impossible to swim through?
Have you ever felt responsible for something that haunted you long after it happened?
What does forgiveness mean to you? Is it more important to forgive others or to forgive yourself?
Chances are, you’ve either found a way to resurface from those depths or are still searching for the light in them. Emotions, like water, have the power to both sustain and destroy.
"Emotions, like water, have the power to both sustain and destroy. When channeled properly, they can nourish and heal, but when ignored or suppressed, they can overwhelm and devastate."
— Dr. Judith Orloff, Psychiatrist and author of Emotional Freedom
In Dark Waters by Catherine MacPhail, Col McCann’s emotional journey is deeply intertwined with this duality, as the river becomes not just a place of tragedy, but a symbol of the internal struggles that threaten to pull him under.
“The water swallowed him whole, like it was hungry for him,”
Col reflects, his words heavy with regret. As the story unfolds, it becomes clear that Col's real battle is not just with the past, but with himself, as he struggles to surface from a sea of guilt and find forgiveness.
The river, where Dominic’s life was tragically lost, serves as the physical manifestation of Col’s guilt. It’s in this moment that Col’s world begins to unravel. The water becomes symbolic of his emotional paralysis, the heavy weight of guilt pulling him under just as the river did to Dominic.
Col’s fear of water throughout the novel reflects his inability to confront the trauma of that day. Every encounter with water serves as a reminder of his unresolved guilt, much like how unresolved emotions can resurface unexpectedly in our own lives. Just as Col fears the water, he fears facing the consequences of what happened.
"Unresolved emotions are like deep waters—no matter how long they stay buried, they inevitably resurface, often in unexpected ways, much like memories triggered by a familiar place or experience."
— Adapted from the works of Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology.
Yet water also holds the possibility of cleansing and redemption. As the novel progresses, the same deep waters that once symbolised Col’s guilt begin to take on a new meaning. His ultimate confrontation with the river becomes a journey toward self-forgiveness, showing how facing one’s deepest fears can lead to emotional healing.
From the moment Dominic drowns, Col is consumed by the belief that he could have prevented the tragedy.
“I could have done something… I should have done something,” he tells himself, reflecting the constant weight of responsibility he feels for Dominic's death. This line reveals the crushing self-blame that haunts him, even though the incident was beyond his control.
Col’s guilt is portrayed as an overwhelming force, much like the deep waters that swallowed Dominic. Just as the river pulled Dominic under, Col’s guilt pulls him down, paralysing him and affecting every aspect of his life. This sense of personal responsibility isolates him, creating a distance between him and the people around him, including his family and friends. As readers, we watch as Col struggles with this internal battle, constantly asking himself if he could have changed the outcome.
The statement "I could have done something" reflects a psychological phenomenon called counterfactual thinking, where people mentally revisit past events and imagine alternative outcomes. This mindset often leads to guilt and regret, even when the person’s actual ability to change the outcome was limited. It’s a common response to traumatic or regretful experiences.
In Col’s case, this thought represents self-blame and hindsight bias—the illusion that, in retrospect, he should have known how to prevent Dominic's death, even though the situation was likely beyond his control.
This belief, "I could have done something," provides Col with a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. Psychologically, it’s often easier to cope with trauma by believing we had control, rather than accepting the randomness or unpredictability of a tragic event. This is something many people do after experiencing loss or regret, clinging to a sense of responsibility as a way to make sense of what happened.
This kind of thinking often leads to rumination—constantly replaying past mistakes or failures, which can increase feelings of guilt, anxiety, and depression. For Col, this cycle of rumination is central to his struggle with guilt. He internalises the belief that his actions, or lack thereof, led to the tragedy, even though this belief is largely a psychological reaction to his trauma.
In Dark Waters, a fear of water isn’t just a literal phobia; it symbolises an inability to confront the truth. The water becomes a visual and emotional barrier, representing the unresolved trauma that keeps Col stuck, unable to move forward.
One of the most poignant moments of Col’s anxiety comes when he admits, “Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him, sinking beneath the water.” This line captures how trauma haunts us—playing over and over in the mind, like an emotional loop we can't escape. For Col, Dominic’s drowning is both a literal memory and a symbol of the guilt and fear that hold him captive.
Throughout the novel, Col avoids water, just as he avoids confronting the truth of that day. His avoidance reflects how many of us deal with our own unresolved emotions.
However, his fear of water also represents an opportunity for healing. The journey toward emotional peace begins when Col faces the very thing he has been avoiding.
By finally confronting the water—and with it, the truth of Dominic’s death—Col starts to release the anxiety and guilt that have weighed him down. This marks his first step toward self-forgiveness and symbolises the larger emotional journey: moving from avoidance to acceptance.
Col’s path toward forgiveness and redemption forms the emotional heart of the novel. What becomes clear as his story progresses is that true redemption doesn’t lie in external forgiveness, but in forgiving himself. Col’s guilt has kept him emotionally paralysed, just as his fear of water has kept him physically trapped. His breakthrough moment comes when he acknowledges:
“I was afraid of the water. But it wasn’t the water that had me scared—it was facing what happened.”
This realisation marks a turning point. The water, which once symbolised fear and guilt, now represents Col’s journey toward confronting and accepting the past. By recognising that his fear is rooted in unresolved guilt, Col begins the process of self-forgiveness.
The novel shows that redemption doesn’t come from undoing the past, but from confronting it. Col’s willingness to face the emotional weight of Dominic’s death—represented by the water—symbolises his acceptance of responsibility, but not in a punishing way. Instead, it’s an acceptance that allows him to forgive himself and move forward with his life.
Through Col’s journey, Dark Waters emphasises that true forgiveness begins within. Redemption can only be found by confronting and accepting the most painful aspects of our past, and healing comes not from changing what happened, but from how we choose to face it.
At some point, we all experience fear, guilt, or the need for forgiveness. Col’s struggles with self-blame, his avoidance of the truth, and his eventual quest for self-forgiveness resonate because they mirror how we cope with our own emotional burdens. Whether it's a personal loss, a past mistake, or lingering guilt, Col’s internal battle feels familiar.
In the end, Col learns that it’s not the water itself, but how he faces it, that defines his journey. This is a metaphor for emotional healing: we can’t always avoid the deep waters of our emotions, but we can learn to navigate them, to swim through them, and ultimately emerge on the other side, stronger and transformed.
