Are you feeling alright, genius?
by Anna Atsu
Hey there, Anna! Are you feeling alright?
I mean, you have been so pink lately or rather black… Besides, you've been serving us chocolatier mummies of wo-man with a kick of sweetness and BMW speed green duck’s madness encouraging to work from home all week long—no prose, no paintings, no trip to a gallery? What gives? Where’s Mr Blue Van Gogh?
Let’s wind a bit and figure this out. Did I accidentally taste-test a chocolate-covered knife while whipping up fondue? And then, oh joy? Nicked my fingers with those treacherous blades after reading Shakespear? Yeah Honey, sharp blades? We're definitely not on speaking terms.
Although, lately, I've been tossing around the term "friend" like confetti at a wedding reception party I don’t attend... Even cinema escapades are lonely… People want to stay away from deadly beauties…
Aristotle swoops in with his wisdom:
"A friend to all is a friend to none."
But when I try to be more selective, all I find is pain.
And about those paintings? Van Gogh must be rolling his eyes at my never-ending blue period and my tales of knife mishaps. I'm starting to worry I might end up like him, minus an ear...
I need my ears to listen to all the sad songs of everlasting eternal love that fuel me in my drive…
Now Picasso on the other hand, has hands softer than freshly baked bread rolls. He's still stuck in his blue and green phase, but at least he's shooting me looks over breakfast. He's got my back, that Picasso!
But hold on, Anna, Picasso had his struggles too. Sure, he poured his emotions into his art, but he also wrestled with bipolar disorder.
But seriously, amidst all this chocolate-fueled drama, you've probably noticed that my writing isn't always just a silly diversion. Well, most of the time it is... you caught me.
You want to know why? Here's a little insight from someone you know:
"My writing and making jokes are stronger than me."
I stopped churning out prose since Thursday. It was a conscious decision this time, a thought that's been shadowing me. So I'll spill the beans of my morning coffee that always tastes, with Picasso or without, and hopefully, it'll lighten the load on my mind a bit.
Buckle up, because this journey's about to get insane.
So, on that fateful Thursday morning, I strutted into school, only to sense that I wouldn't be leaving having cracked the code of my educational quest. How did I know? Couldn't tell you, I just did. And sure enough, the young lad I was supposed to alternatively school was sitting in his car, a bundle of nerves. Nope, nothing to do with me—autism and anxiety were already hitching a ride in his educational journey. His mom came out to chat with me. Naturally, as a woman, I'm fluent in feelings and insecurities.
I've got love for schizophrenia, bipolar antics, depression, anxiety—you name it—because I know some pretty amazing folks who wrestle with them.
Any diagnosis particularly attached to me? I will not let anyone label me by attaching me to any limiting definition.
But I didn't spill the beans about last Thursday, not because it wasn't a rollercoaster of emotions. It was a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.
I stepped out of that school, only to find the radio crooning a tune. Please, don't tell me everyone hears what they want to hear... "Everlasting Love" by The Love Affair…
Hearts go astray, leaving hurt when they go
I went away just when you needed me so
Filled with regret I come back beggin' you
Forgive, forget. Where's the love we once knew?
Open up your eyes, then you'll realize here I stand
With my everlasting love
(…)
Ooh, ooh
Where life's river flows, no one really knows
'til someone's there to show the way to lasting love
Like the sun that shines, endlessly it shines
You always will be mine. It's everlasting love
When other loves are gone, ours will still be strong
We have our very own everlasting love
Real love will last forever
"Everlasting Love" by The Love Affair
I am not scared of Picasso, just as that girl wasn’t. Oh, Picasso, you old charmer! I am shaky when to do with sharp knives but I'm not trembling from behind my books. My favourite "girl with the ponytail" was pretty confident when she met the artist. I'm about to become Picasso's muse anytime soon. Why, you ask? Well, for starters, just like her, I refuse to strike a pose in the nude. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to keep my clothes on, at least on the photographs.
Plus, I've got a reputation to uphold, not hard looks or proud horns…
The author of breathtaking photographs? They've dubbed me a "genius." So sorry, Picasso, but I'm already booked solid with genius duties. Coffee beans breakfast with your soft bread rolls only! And as for those Picasso paintings of mine? Forget about selling them for a pretty penny. Nah, I'll stick to banknotes, thank you very much. Gotta keep my finances as surreal as Picasso's art.
Ah, where do you go now?
The sacred sanctuary of bookstores!
Last Thursday, on World Book Day, I practically tripped over my own feet in a mad dash to the nearest bookstore, that everlasting love wondrous land where financial insecurities dare not tread. Dodging the whirlwind of thoughts, Shakespearean escapades, and whispered rumours of love affairs, I sought refuge among the stacks.
But alas, the thrillers lurked in the shadows, their spines practically leering at me with promises of heart-pounding suspense. Not today, my literary adversaries! I was in the mood for something lighter, something with a dash of poetry and a generous sprinkle of humour. After all, who needs detective stories when you can have just a good laugh and a rhyme?
The days to follow offered even more drama, each unfolding like scenes from a suspense novel. One girl, stubborn and independent, refused any help offered, determined to tackle her problems alone. Meanwhile, another girl was discovered in a bathroom, her pale skin contrasting starkly against the crimson pool surrounding her. The sight was chilling, with uncertainty hanging heavy in the air about the extent of her injuries. Blood stains marked the tiles. Even with minimal involvement, the mere presence of blood seemed to drain the energy from the room, casting a sombre atmosphere over the entire scene. It was a reminder that no one is immune to life's twists and turns and that resilience is often forged in the crucible of adversity.
And when troubled times and thrillers come hand in hand with romantic entanglements and men’s plays, I tend to steer clear, fearing I might spiral into a world of insanity.
But then, Dr. Eger's wise words echoed in my mind:
"Fear begets more fear. Let us all begin unwinding the fears that keep us from becoming our true selves."
When we bury our truths and stories, secrets become their own kind of prison. Denying ourselves the chance to grieve only traps us in a cycle of pain. True freedom lies in accepting what happened, brick by brick dismantling the walls we've built around ourselves.
"Why is it such a challenge to bring life to life?"
Dr. Eger
Indeed. We're all hungry—for approval, attention, affection. Hungry for the freedom to embrace life as our true selves.
Ah, the wisdom of Dr. Eger, a survivor of Auschwitz, reminds us that there's no hierarchy of suffering. To truly thrive means embracing every twist and turn of our journey, no matter how trivial it may appear to outsiders.
So, dear friend, consider each chapter of yours part of the vibrant saga of life. Mine? I will share, of course. But for now, I'll hit pause on this narrative as I delve into the precarious world of hangcliffs for my book. Fear not, though, for next time I'll regale you with the tale of a blue BMW driver. Stay tuned for more adventures from the dark blue side of life!
Ps: If you still wonder if I am OK, because not present, I am probably deep down in a dark blue library, sniffing pink and red flowers and escaping the dark room of bully photographs…
“I always felt if I can get to a library, I’ll be ok.”
Maya Angelou
And if you really want to read me more or uplift my spirit, like my blue and green poems infused with pink and red feminine aura:
Blue Memory Warning Car(d) 2006
If you were to lose your mind?
Have a truly colourful day!
